Kids as Captive Audience
School holidays are upon us! I don’t mind at all. I can sleep in; there are no lunches to make and no mad running around morning routine to get the kids prepared for school. There’s no homework to be negotiated (wrestled is the more apt descriptor) and the kids can relax and slowly strip away the horrors (according to them) of the school term.
Kids are great! They entertain and are entertained in turn.
One of the best things about having kids (according to the Book of Gabe) is that they are a veritable captive audience. This is no small thing and must be taken advantage of until children reach that period of life – teenager hood – when they transform into extra-terrestrials and parents put on the cloak of invisibility. But let’s not even go there yet!
Yes, let’s focus on the benefits of the captive audience. Kids are pretty much hanging around their parents for large chunks of time – being nurtured and what not. Take advantage of this time to annoy the hell out of them with spontaneous outburst of song and the telling of bad jokes. You can even throw in some totally embarrassing dance moves from the seventies or eighties, so they know that you were once hip to the groove man (oh dear).
I do these activities at every opportunity. Yes, singing is my forte (or they might say – Mum’s greatest weapon in the torture cabinet) and crazy dancing is a regular habit (with or without music). But I also can’t seem to help myself when it comes to targeting the kids with bad jokes and silly skits (including the use of ridiculous accents and actions).
It is important when torturing, ahem I mean entertaining the kids, that you utilise the favoured themes of the under thirteens. By this I mean the incorporation of poo, fart and bodily function themes into the stage repertoire. I will give you an example (this one popped out this morning 😉 ):
My dogs get fed at the same time each day and if I dare sleep past this time in the morning I will be woken to a cold dog nose persistently pushing into my arm or face. Sometimes I wake to two Labradoodle doggies just staring at me in forlorn fashion. What is wrong with pack leader – doesn’t she know our stomachs are empty and we haven’t been fed for days and days (or so it seems).
Sometimes the kids come in to watch Mum being harassed by hairy carnivores with bad breath! The kiddiewinks feed themselves breakfast and like to do their own thing in the morning, so are in no hurry for Mum to get up (in fact they prefer it that way; less supervision = more fun for kids). But they do enjoy the dog show.
I was trying to ignore these canine encouragements (while trying to get back to a nice dream I had been having) and suggested that Tessa might like to feed the beasties.
‘See how hungry Jazzy is Tessa. Do you think you could feed the dogs?’
Jazzy proceeds to start licking her furry posterior (in the under tail region to be precise).
‘Look, she has already started on the entree – residue of dog poo’, I said in bad French accent.
Tessa is now rolling around, laughing her head off. Michael is laughing and shaking his head.
See, captive audience – haha – take advantage while they are too young to escape.
Tessa also fed the dogs (what a darling daughter).
Kids are the best!
23 thoughts on “Kids as Captive Audience”
I won’t ask what you and Shirl are doing dressed up like that.
Entertaining the kids, you say? Yeah, right!
Excellent, funny post, Gabe 🙂
hahaha – it was Tessa’s 3rd birthday, a fairy party and I was the queen fairy and Shirl was a pirate for some strange reason 😉 Thanks bluebee!
Kids deserve as much fun as they get. I like your style, Gabrielle.
Thanks Martin – kids bring out the kid in us all 🙂 Often it’s the funny little things we remember from our childhood.
that’s great, haha and fun. and they will remember your songs and crazy dancing way past the teens, what fun! the photo looks like the adults are putting on a play at a party, one of them dressed in what resembles tessa’s angel wings. i saw some of those wings, pretty opal shiny, at a halloween store last week and remembered your photo i’d seen with tessa wearing little wings – they might be the cutest costume ever.
anyway, have fun, it sounds like it would be a blast to be a kid there, as a matter f fact it would be fun to be a kid again there too!
It gets pretty crazy around here at times – Shirl is the big practical joker, so no-one is safe 😉 He also loves heavy metal music and plays it really loud to the kids while doing air guitar – haha. That photo is from Tessa’s 3rd birthday and she had a fairy party – there was a dedicated fairy shop near us and I just had to get those wings. Thanks tipotato 😉
They grow so fast we have to enjoy them while we can (before we embarrass them just by breathing), I already cop “that’s such a ‘dad’ joke” from my 10 year old.
hahaha – yes, the category of ‘dad joke’ stands out all on it’s own Mark. Tessa is nearly 10 too – eek!
you bring me nice memories, my boys still remember when I red them Tintin with different voices…and I remember the dog waking me up too!
It was fun reading you with my morning coffee, the boys are adults now and no more dog….
Glad you liked it Benedicte 🙂 Tintin has to be read in different voices, I agree – haha – it can get very tiring reading to kids 😉
For best results treat pee,fart and poo as you would oil,sugar,fat …….in recipees.
Mine are both in college. They and their mother have banned me from singing 🙂
hahahaha – but you can always sing in the shower or alone in the car 🙂
*Sigh* I love school hols, Gabrielle….enjoy….
Yes, I know how busy you are at the moment Kate (and a celebrity freshly pressed star to boot – hahaha – may the holidays arrive sooner rather than later and headaches stay away). These holidays are extra busy though – moving house in a month or so, and the boys birthday in a couple of days!
I just remembered it was ‘residue of poo’ – haha – not ‘essence of poo’. I mean really – how can you have an essence entree 😉 doh!
Now recall this fine moments when they reached the TEENS and have behaviors that will make the morning routine with the Labradoodle doggies’ noses seem like a pleasant event…have fun on vacation.
Yes indeedy Charles – thank you 🙂
Nothing beats a poo joke when you are a kid. Except maybe a fart joke. Haha. I laughed and laughed when I read this because I am all for the kids as a captive audience scenario. The great thing about that scenario is that it is easy to convince the kids they are actually enjoying their captivity. So scurrilous. Your costumes are tops. You two must be in the running for best parents ever. LOVE IT!!!
I don’t think so Selma but thanks anyway – haha – we do like to keep them on their toes though – they never know what to expect 😉
Sure sounds like there’s a lot of fun at your house during school break! How do you ever get them to agree to go back to school!!
Well that can be a problem Aletha 😉 it is difficult getting them back to school and the best of times.
What child would want to go back to school when it is more fun at home. I hope you still have those costumes in a few years time, & wear them for school pick up – worth it for the teenage angst. You are a very pretty fairy.
Whenever we wanted Andy to smile for photos or just to see his happy face , we would say ” wee, poo, bum fart” – all his favourite words. Even now, at 20 yrs, they still bring a smile to his face.
I have everything but the wings – haha – thanks Jane (wee, poo, bum, fart is an Aussie classic thing to say really quickly 😉 )