Lewd Limericks from Stafford (for Fortnight of Funnies)

Larss Drinks

I oft shared a bottle with Larss;
Who sipped with decorum and class.
But once in the bistro
Was totally pissed, so
He finished up flat on his arse!

Wine Lovers

Two pickers of fruit to make wine,
Their young hearts began to entwine.
Went frequently missing
For cuddling and kissing,
And more, hidden under a vine!

Truth Hurts

‘In vino veritas’ states
You drink and confess your lewd traits.
But heed this dire warning,
That maybe next morning
You’ll find you have lost all your mates!


There once was a fellow named Fred
Who took half a dozen to bed.
His wife’s main objection
Was lack of erection
So now poor Fred sleeps in the shed!


Stafford Ray has kindly sent some of his famous limericks for my Fortnight of Funnies. If you follow his blog, you will know that Stafford has an outrageous sense of humour and a penchant for the limerick😉

Thanks Staffo🙂


Don’t forget you can join in the fortnight of funnies by emailing me a funny (poems, art, photos, stories etc.,) this week or next if you are a regular follower and commenter on this blog.

24 responses

  1. Note the cartoon is from Stafford’s blog and is Hawke Stooges! He didn’t say where he got it, so I won’t either😉

  2. hehe – thanks for the laughs, Stafford. ‘In vino veritas’ is why I’m mostly a teetotaller these days (I did say mostly ;-))

    1. hahaha – Ibeen there, done that bb – didn’t just limit myself to words when I was on the turps😉 my behaviour was sometimes less than impeccable – haha #thosewerethedaysmyfriend

  3. What GB failed to mention, is that those limericks were serious contributions to a competition that invited poets to offer poems to put onto wine bottle labels. I am still awaiting a response! Do they have no appreciation of the finer things of life???

    1. Obviously not Stafford – there was a winner (it was tweeted on twitter by Coriole wines) – you had some stiff competition out there I am sure🙂

  4. Very funny … so very true … every last one – or should I say every last drop!

    1. I’ll drink to that Geoffrey🙂

  5. I have often suspected that Stafford is the love child of Spike Milligan and Pam Ayres. Now I know it to be true. LOLZ. LMAO. ROFL.

    Every limerick is an absolute treat. Stafford is the awesome sauce. *chortle*

    1. Bwahahahaha – that is some mental image Selma (Pam Ayres and Spike Milligan) – haha ‘he’s fallen in the water’. Stafford is indeed the awesome sauce!

  6. Quite mild by SoCal standards.🙂

    1. I’m sure they are slpmartin😉

  7. Stafford on form, as usual. Bravo!

    1. Imagine what he’d give us if we let him have an R rating – hahaha – thanks Martin

  8. […] cartoons, comedic verse, lewd limericks and much more to […]

  9. Loved the limericks Stafford. This is a great idea Gabrielle.

    1. Thanks Helen – needed something to cheer myself up with and this is working a treat😉

  10. Go the Limerick!

    1. Limericks were the poems that made the biggest impression on me when I was a kid – Dad had a copy of the Penguin Book of Limericks (or something like that) and we loved the rude ones – haha. Thanks Graham.

    1. Glad you are amused Aletha🙂

  11. I love a bawdy limerick,
    But penning one is quite a trick –
    Not like the carouses
    One finds in whorehouses,
    That kind of trick is kind-of sick!

    1. hahaha – thanks colonialist😉

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