Ever wanted to snuggle into fluffy white cumulus clouds?
it’s bloody wet
you’ll fall straight through
I am an Australian poet, writer, blogger, psychologist, wife, mother of two children, autism and environmental advocate, and mad animal lover
February 23, 2010 at 5:01 pm
My 7yo daughter has told me I must get rid of the swear word (yes, she’s at that age).
February 23, 2010 at 7:16 pm
Reality so often spoils our imaginings.
February 23, 2010 at 8:11 pm
Yes it does Carolyn, more’s the pity.
February 23, 2010 at 8:17 pm
No you won’t.
February 23, 2010 at 8:51 pm
You’ve given me an idea. boing! boing!
February 24, 2010 at 12:04 am
Paul was faster, I was going to say
No I won’t!
Great new look for your blog!
February 24, 2010 at 9:57 am
I see I’m not the only fantasist in the blogosphere (not surprises there). It is interesting the subtle difference between ‘no you won’t’ and ‘no I won’t’.
February 24, 2010 at 11:11 am
Perhaps the stratus clouds, then?
February 24, 2010 at 11:31 am
Ha,ha,ha,ha – another dreamer I see!
February 24, 2010 at 7:29 pm
My had is eternally in he clouds Gabe and dreamers have a habit of being able to land on their feet.
February 24, 2010 at 10:10 pm
I think you are probably right Graham – here’s to the dreamers!
February 25, 2010 at 9:57 am
In my dreams I never fall through. I am a spirit of the air frolicking with the clouds. I really liked this one, Gabrielle.
February 25, 2010 at 10:15 am
I’m going to do it one day – sleep in a cloud. If there is enough belief – it will happen.
February 28, 2010 at 8:27 am
The image and words (and letters!) make a very powerful impact.
February 28, 2010 at 11:05 am
This one just popped into my head from nowhere (except I have always wanted to sleep in a cloud). Thanks Aletha.
February 28, 2010 at 3:31 pm
The vice pressing against my ears would probably keep my dangling up there.
February 28, 2010 at 6:54 pm
Wow, that’s a visual headache for you.
March 1, 2010 at 8:01 am
Beautiful — words and structure, working together for an ethereal journey. 🙂
March 1, 2010 at 9:18 am
Thanks Tl – gotta love an ‘ethereal journey’
March 2, 2010 at 6:17 am
Lovely, Gabrielle! Always happy to see poets playing with space and form. It’s rainy and dark here. You took me to a different kind of sky. 🙂
March 2, 2010 at 8:21 am
Thanks Bryan – it was fun (and it is rainy and dark here too).
March 10, 2010 at 7:54 am
By the way, I agree with your 7 year old daughter, the poem works even better without the word ‘bloody’. It focusses more on the last
thought, making the point of the o=poem more strongly.
March 10, 2010 at 12:35 pm
Thanks Carolyn. I will muck about with it – you might be right. The problem is the ‘you’ll fall straight though’ looks too flat in comparison. The other problem is with this blog theme – it is a bit too narrow and that is why the first line has the ‘clouds’ on the second line. I will ponder some more.
March 10, 2010 at 12:39 pm
What about ‘you’ll ‘plummet’ straight through’ ? It’s a much stronger verb than ‘fall’, more impact.
March 10, 2010 at 12:46 pm
I actually like the word fall – has the sound that you would make as you go down and I like the shape of the letters like falling with your arms up over your head. When I say it in my head it is like faaaaaaaaallll. If you know what I mean. But thank you for the ideas. I do like plummet to but not for this one.
March 10, 2010 at 1:11 pm
Good point – maybe if you wrote the word as you did in your comment ‘faaaaaallll’ again, it would give that more strength
March 10, 2010 at 1:17 pm
Yes, that’s not a bad idea. Thanks Carolyn.
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email: gbryden at bigpond dot com
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